right now, we're on the border of Nevada and Utah. my head is filled with tons of memories and ideas right now. we have been traveling for almost 12 hours and we have played around three "car" games. I think we have unanimously decided we do not like stupid riddle games like "There's a man in the desert. He's naked. dead and lying there with bunch of clothes and a stick." the reason: we've decided it can be anything. whatever the storyteller wants it to be. too subjective. we stopped in reno, and ate some nasty buffet, and gambled a little. well, the buffet was tasty for reno standards. at least, we did not get food poisoning. but I'll leave that for david to discuss.

the van is now cruising down the mountain of the summit we just past. the border is only a few miles away. I wonder if anyone has discussed the irony of utah and nevada being next door neighbors. two states that are polar opposites when it comes to desire, faith, etc. mormons in utah and gaming machines in nevada. so many desires are satiated here in nevada, I wonder why aren't their tons of little boys in suits and riding bicycles down the streets of Reno or Vegas. Utah is close. o well.

prince's lonely christmas plays softly in the background as I write this. we have been discussing our favorite prince song. discussing what should've been on his greatest hits CD. cas put disc 1 of prince's hits just so he could listen to pop life. we all started to sing. the consensus was that we should listen to disc 3. we're almost done with it.

right now, I realize this is the first time I have driven here in this area. I never have been east of Sparks, Nevada. I fell like bilbo baggins from the Hobbit. when I was a child east of sparks always held a magical significance. it was the unknown world. it was the wilderness beyond. it represented freedom to see something new. my youthful imagination would picture the Gollum lurking around the Salt Lake, saying "my preciousssss..." and the goblins menacingly prowling inside the rocky mountains. I used to scare myself with all the monsters I thought were east of sparks.

as we drive through desolate deserts, over mountains, I catch myself looking out. still wondering if I will catch a glimpse of the Gollum. a troll? a goblin?

this is all feels like the hobbit in many other ways. we're all on this quest to chicago y beyond. we have left our families, our friends, and what is familiar to us and we got in this van, packed everything, like Gandalf, Bilbo and the dwarves. now, we're not going after dragons, but Bilbo's quest was not about slaying a dragon either. his quest was about his self. finding the true nature of his self. questioning it, etc.

as poets, I feel we sometime hide behind the familiar: our words, our images of the past, even when we share ourselves with others. we question society, the government, our families, but sometimes never take the time to question ourselves. put the mirror of our words and ideas directly onto ourselves. this trip will do this: force us to leave the familiar and check if we are right with ourselves. it will be scary, and we may have some major dragons to slay, but as we cross the Utah border and stop at a rest area (we missed our exit in Nevada; I'll discuss that later), I realize that I am so glad I am on this journey with these folks. if you could feel the energy as we all look at the stars, and discuss the location of the big dipper and the coolness of the salt flats and the vastness of the stars (DAMN!!! can I say DAMN again??!! DAMN!), this feels good.

to quote sonia whittle, "now I know you're here at this website thinking it's all love-love" and if you are hoping for MTV real World endings, please stop reading. there have been a couple of hard times, but right now is not the time to dwell on those things. as I finish this at 10:30, since we missed the exit for food, we have to find a place in Utah, and it looks like we may have to wait another hour.

but, hey, we need your positivity. this is not going to be all a bed of roses, but the self is a greater dragon that is hard enough to battle and you probably just thought this trip was a bunch a broke, crazy poets heading out to chicago in a van...shiiiiit...it's so much more.