A consortium controlled by fugitive financier Michael Bradford is said to have acquired the Hannah-Barbera cartoon library from the Vatican Bank for ¥800 trillion.

Humanities Research will forward a contract within the hour.

Your former friend Jill Gilbert is offering an interesting deal on some Costa Rican tuna.

Research to be published next week in ACM Signal suggests that frequent autoerotic stimulation not only alleviates but actually cures Alzheimer's in some patients. Buy Dotsex at ¥1,400.

Those wedge-headed, slanty-eyed aliens so popular back in the nineties have now been positively identified as housecats.