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sama (pronounced sam a for non-netizens) met hank.shaw the night he got the zee.dot virus. whata nite. c:/ drive crashed
& burned when he logged on. the net's like
that - lots of people helping each other out. he sounded interesting not 2 nerdy or geeky. SOUNDED - that's a strange word in this context isn't it? you can't really tell how anyone sounds on the net. they just sound like kjasklfljhlksfjflk key strokes flashin up on the screen from cyberspace. but somehow
people sound a certain way even when your talkin to them electronically.
To: bills@msn.com tks for ya help re the zee.dot virus. tried the download and it worked which is great cos I'm off to la nex wk and wanna be on air. c ya. sam :-) he was about to log off & shutdown when HE came back: To: sama@virtual.world.com sounds like you're a roadie with all that travelin. seems fascinatin. Tell me bout yaself. the
sender signed off hank.shaw@bignet.com but it turned
out hank was from new zealand. Nu zillin as they say there. aussies
like sama call it nzed. sama told him
his real world name was samantha
samantha ashcroft. but there's
no rules, sam told him. >
why ya wanna be a woman? andy asked over a longneck at the local.
> it's just
a bit of fun, sama said. is no big deal. its just a way to be somebody
else. don't ya ever wanna be someone else?
> nope.
> you got
no imagination that's your trouble. this is the eve of the new
millennium. things are different. besides.
> besides
what?
> besides
i'm sicka just being a bloke from the burbs and coppin shit. being
a human dart board for bloody sociologists and newspaper journos
and feminists. they think we're all morons out here. they talk like
it's a wilderness west a glebe.
sama tells andy
- & anyone else who'll listen - that he's sick of the fuckin
trendies living in inner city squalor feelin' superior.
> we're not SUB-urban. whata bloody putdown like we're less than urban. sub-human. it's better out here - it's super urban. we got space. we got trees. we got no graffitti everywhere & traffic lights @ every corner & no fuckin speed humps every hundred metres. no speed humps thank christ. no druggies ripping off ya bloody car or climbin through ya window while you're sleeping to take ya sony or your bloody idiot box. the only thing we havent got is a voice. > they reckon they're comin. > who's comin? > speed humps. councils lookin at em - and 50 kay speed limits. > fuckem. anyway i'm also sicka bein in the shit just cos ima man. every time you open ya mouth someones dumpin on ya, calling you a chauvenist pig or a macho jerk or somethin. on the net, ima woman & no one knows the difference. doesn't that tell ya somethin? that was sama's
logic. a painless sex change with a few keystrokes & a silicon
chip. > funny thing is, when i say the same things that i would as a man, it's ok. > what sorta stuff? > well, like saying i like to drive fast & go out on the piss with me friends. if i said that as a man, my car'd be a fuckin phallic symbol and I'd be a yobbo. > i guess. > and i can be a tart and no 1 minds. i told hank i screw round a bit. > you told him you screw around! what was his reaction? > he didn't care. that's the thing with blokes. he said he'd been looking 4 a woman like me for ages. said all the women he knew just wanted 2 fall in love & get married. he said i sounded interesting. > any guy would. so what did you do? > played along. told him i like 2 wear really short skirts with splits. said i had big tits & like to show em off. > what did he say? > said he'd like 2 look at em & lick em & a few other places as well. > shit sam - you're getting' in deep mate. what if this guy turns up on your doorstep 1 day and he's 6 foot 4 & built like a brick shithouse? > he can't. how can he find me? ima virtual woman & proud of it. ha ha. maybe i'll start virtual women's liberation. but that wasn't
the half of it. not by far. was actually
hannah kershaw, a 26 year old blonde livin in wellington, new zealand.
hanna told her
secret to her best friend emma after the first few e-mails pretendin
to be a man. > look what he said to me. hanna showed emma samas first slightly flirty mail. > wow. have you replied? > no. i don't think I should. > why not? go on. its just e-mail. go on. i'll do it. here. emma typed out a mesage. > EMMA! you cant send that my god MR giggles and hank.shaw@bignet.com's reply sped off over a tangled network of copper cables & twisted pairs. we're a twisted pair, she thought guiltily, but with her pulse racing. after that
things just seemed to escalate. > whaaaart! her sister anabel said in caps when hanna told her about it 1 nite. anabels younger than hanna but shes 20 goin on 40. > how can you do that? Why do you wanna pretend you're a man? > well, you know, people treat you a certain way when you're a woman. so i decided 2 become a man. i'm no femmo, but I'm sick of all the shit that gets dished out jus cos ima woman - buyin a car ... guys always whistling & comin on 2 ya. i always wondered what it would be like 2 be a man for a day, or a week. then i thought why not be a man all the time in cyberspace ya can. > god hanna. god. > god had nothin to do with it - then i got the idea 2 experiment. > what sort of experimentin? > you know - chattin' up & that. > you been chattin up guys on the net? > no you dill. women. i have to stay in character. they think ima guy, so i hafta do guy stuff & sound guy. when ya dig
a hole, you keep going down. > how's ya eman experiment goin? anabel asked after 4 months of the cyber-shenanigans. > great well it's interesting. > what do youse talk about? > all sorts of stuff. computers books films .... life. she's really into politics & social stuff like the environment and nuclear testing in the pacific did you know that pacific actually means peace? she's great. lately we've ar we've also bin talkin bout sex. > SEX! your talkin 2 a nother woman about sex: what sorta things ya saying? > jus stuff like what do ya look like & have ya got big boobs. > you asked her if she had big boobs? > yeah - i gotta be authentic. that's what blokes would ask. but we got into some really hot talk 1 night late. i was sendin her lots of ;-)s & stuff & said i was having fantasies about her & no you don't wanna know. > yes I do. what did you say? > i said i said I'd like 2 c a picture of her naked & i cant remember what else i'd been out havin a few vinos with emma & then she came back with I'd like 2 :-o your cock. so I said i would like 2 :-- her ya know. i think she was a bit pissed that nite 2. > jees, hanna - you're not saying that stuff 2 her are you? hanna you're talkin 2 another WOMAN. that's like .like > you mean lesbian? > yeah, i guess no its not but it's like it, saying intimate sexy stuff 2 another woman. how do you feel about that? > its jus fun. don't you ever wanna xplore? anabel ignored her and asked: > whata ya gonna do if she wants 2 meet ya? > i don't think that'll happen - she lives in sydney. > yeah, but didn't you say she travels a lot? > uh uh. but we just won't meet. no way. i wouldn't agree. > what if she turns up on your door. > how can she? no one knows 4 sure who anyone is on the net & no one knows where ya live unless you tell 'em - & even if she turned up, i'd just clear out leave town. > yeah, but that guy in america got caught 4 makin the melissa virus. they knew where he was. they say they know where everyone is. > so THEY know where THEY are. who the fucks they? > ar you know what i mean & you know i'm right. hanna frowned,
her thoughts movin on from intoxicated carnal fantasies 2 a reality
that was startin 2 force its way into her virtual world. but jus when
she was plannin her disappearance in cyberspace andy hatched
the idea after gettin really pissed off at sam 4 his techno-transvestism.
sama of course
had 2 be carefully coerced as he would never agree 2 expose his
fraud to his netman. sama's netman
took a little more persuadin. > i think you should go. > why? > cos you said you were close friends with a lot in common - & you always wanted 2 go 2 orstralia. > 1 small detail darling you forgot about the fact that the netman is actually a woman. when samatha finds out i'm a woman she'll be shocked she might even go ballastic. what if she's a big bitch inta karate or something? > o yes silly me of course i haven't forgotten that you twit. but don't you think you owe sama something? plenty of people make friends on the net. some people even find permanent partners & get married & everything. the crazy emma
had a point hank.shaw was comin to a crossroads. > besides, if you HAVE got lesbian tendencies as anabel says, you'd better find out. > EMMA! > well I jus think you should go. after all, you said you genuinely had a lot in common even though you lied about who you are. she'll understand - women do. you'll have 2 apologise of course - but you'll probably be laughin about it after 5 minutes. > i'll think about it okay. To: andyj@bigpond.com.au OK I'll come. how will I no ya? by the way, there's some things we'll hafta straighten out when I get there. can we talk before i meet sama? hank andy replied
that he had bright red hair & would stand on the esplanade next
2 the main steps wearin a kangaroos jersey. the day dawned
clear & sunny. andy was waitin
- nervous with anticipation > hi, you're andy? andy stared
@ the stranger blinking. it was sundey mornin & the brain was
still a little fuzzy. > i'm hank, the stranger said. > HANK! andy squeaked with sudden stress-induced laryngitis. ha ha haan > you're andy? > ah, er yeah - i'm andy - but > i know. i know. I'M hank.shaw - actually i'm hannah kershaw. it's a long story. i couldn't explain by mail. i thought i had just better come & face the truth. i feel terrible. i really feel terrible about the deception. sam, whose been
gazing out 2 sea watchin the surfers & boogy boarders, noticed
the blonde walk up & start talkin 2 andy. so he was curious. > nice 2 meet you. so where's sama - samantha? > samantha? O SAMANTHA. shit - andy raised his eyebrows, completely 4getting about sam's net alias, his whole plot fallin apart b4 his eyes. Sam heard the name samantha and b4 andy's dazed brain could catch up 2 his mouth he walked over & asked > who are you? > i'm hank.shaw@ > farkin ell. > who are you? > i'm samanta. > fuck! > thats a nice thing ta say? > whataya expect? lots more was
said more in looks than words. > there4 you like ME and i like you, hanna said. > yeah, but you're not who i thought you were. > bullshit. i'm me. would ya prefer I was a man? > no. > then lets take each other as we are. anyway, if i'm not me, nor are you you. sam didn't have an answer to that. slowly the tension eased & they relaxed a little. sentences grew longer. laughs got less nervous. we have 2 be
big about this, sam proposed. despite the
calming powers of brokenwood cricket pitch chardonnay & andy's
embarrassed peacemakin they did all
the usual stuff promisin 2 keep in touch & agreein 2 give
it a go or with a PC! > keep in touch ya hear. > yeah, keep in touch. it was fun. > yeah, it was fun. the
next afternoon @ work, sama@virtual.world.com
tapped out a message to
hank.shaw@bignet.com
& clicked
send. the following
Satdey he sent off a longer message. @ 4.10 pm on the sundey his e-mail bounced back. To: sama@virtual.world.com
System Administrator:
Undeliverable message.
Message failed.
Recipient not known.
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