sama (pronounced sam a for non-netizens) met hank.shaw the night he got the zee.dot
virus.
whata nite.
c:/ drive crashed
& burned when he logged on.
you know what its like when you get infected with a trojan horse.
sama was gonna give up & go punch some zees when bill in birmingham
mailed him a fix.
the net's like
that - lots of people helping each other out.
he was back up bangin away in a chat session in no time flat.
then HE came ol that's on line for the technophobes - saying he
had the zee.dot nasty 2 & thankin bill 4 the fix & saying
hi to sama.
he sounded interesting
not 2 nerdy or geeky.
SOUNDED - that's
a strange word in this context isn't it? you can't really tell how
anyone sounds on the net. they just sound like kjasklfljhlksfjflk
key strokes flashin up on the screen from cyberspace.
but somehow
people sound a certain way even when your talkin to them electronically.
that's how sama got the idea that started off the whole thing.
itsa wonder someone didn't get killed.
he was gettin ready to gota bed & fired off a final message
to bill -
To:
bills@msn.com
tks
for ya help re the zee.dot virus. tried the download and it worked
which is great cos I'm off to la nex wk and wanna be on air. c
ya. sam :-)
he was about
to log off & shutdown when HE came back:
To: sama@virtual.world.com
sounds like
you're a roadie with all that travelin. seems fascinatin. Tell
me bout yaself.
the
sender signed off hank.shaw@bignet.com
sama pictured a
big yank maybe a black basketballer with 3 balls & size 14 shoes.
but it turned
out hank was from new zealand. Nu zillin as they say there. aussies
like sama call it nzed.
sama and hank.shaw chatted 4 a while & then sama did it.
when the kiwi asked him 4 some bio details
sama told him
his real world name was samantha
samantha ashcroft.
he said he was 32, 5:4 and described ally mcbeal a few pounds heavier.
sama's mate andy said he was nuts when he told him about it later.
andy said it was unethical - he reckon it must be against net protocol
or something.
but there's
no rules, sam told him.
and how could hank ever know?
how could hank ever tell that the netwoman he was talkin 2 was really
a man
that he was sam azzura, 30, a 5 foot 9 insurance assessor for a
big 3 firm livin in the burbs in sydney -
in kellytown - a new place with new houses, a mall, 196 cul-de-sacs
and 5,000 hectares of nature strips.
>
why ya wanna be a woman? andy asked over a longneck at the local.
> it's just
a bit of fun, sama said. is no big deal. its just a way to be somebody
else. don't ya ever wanna be someone else?
> nope.
> you got
no imagination that's your trouble. this is the eve of the new
millennium. things are different. besides.
> besides
what?
> besides
i'm sicka just being a bloke from the burbs and coppin shit. being
a human dart board for bloody sociologists and newspaper journos
and feminists. they think we're all morons out here. they talk like
it's a wilderness west a glebe.
sama tells andy
- & anyone else who'll listen - that he's sick of the fuckin
trendies living in inner city squalor feelin' superior.
so godalmighty up themselves they can't see daylight.
> we're not
SUB-urban. whata bloody putdown like we're less than urban. sub-human.
it's better out here - it's super urban. we got space. we got trees.
we got no graffitti everywhere & traffic lights @ every corner
& no fuckin speed humps every hundred metres. no speed humps thank
christ. no druggies ripping off ya bloody car or climbin through ya
window while you're sleeping to take ya sony or your bloody idiot
box. the only thing we havent got is a voice.
> they reckon
they're comin.
> who's comin?
> speed humps.
councils lookin at em - and 50 kay speed limits.
> fuckem.
anyway i'm also sicka bein in the shit just cos ima man. every time
you open ya mouth someones dumpin on ya, calling you a chauvenist
pig or a macho jerk or somethin. on the net, ima woman & no
one knows the difference. doesn't that tell ya somethin?
that was sama's
logic. a painless sex change with a few keystrokes & a silicon
chip.
i'm a virtual woman, he told andy whose morality wasn't programmed
for cyberspace and was still tryin to take it all in.
> funny
thing is, when i say the same things that i would as a man, it's
ok.
> what sorta
stuff?
> well, like
saying i like to drive fast & go out on the piss with me friends.
if i said that as a man, my car'd be a fuckin phallic symbol and
I'd be a yobbo.
> i guess.
> and i can
be a tart and no 1 minds. i told hank i screw round a bit.
> you told
him you screw around! what was his reaction?
> he didn't
care. that's the thing with blokes. he said he'd been looking 4
a woman like me for ages. said all the women he knew just wanted
2 fall in love & get married. he said i sounded interesting.
> any guy
would. so what did you do?
> played
along. told him i like 2 wear really short skirts with splits. said
i had big tits & like to show em off.
> what did
he say?
> said he'd
like 2 look at em & lick em
& a few other places
as well.
> shit sam
- you're getting' in deep mate. what if this guy turns up on your
doorstep 1 day and he's 6 foot 4 & built like a brick shithouse?
> he can't.
how can he find me? ima virtual woman & proud of it. ha ha.
maybe i'll start virtual women's liberation.
but that wasn't
the half of it. not by far.
on the far sida the tasman, sama's netman was taking off her make-up
2 go 2 bed after a long chat session.
the netman - hank.shaw@bignet.com
was actually
hannah kershaw, a 26 year old blonde livin in wellington, new zealand.
if she said wellington you could believe it no one would make
that up.
hanna told her
secret to her best friend emma after the first few e-mails pretendin
to be a man.
she felt naughtie doin it like it was not quite right. but it
had the magnetic attraction of the slightly wicked. it was innocent
fun, she rationalised.
emma agreed. emma didn't use the net cept @ work, but she
was was right into it and em was always on for a bit of fun.
in fact, it was emma who sent the first sexy e-mail.
>
look what he said to me. hanna showed emma samas first slightly
flirty mail.
> wow. have
you replied?
> no. i don't
think I should.
> why not?
go on. its just e-mail. go on. i'll do it. here.
emma typed
out a mesage.
>
EMMA! you cant send that
my god MR
giggles and hank.shaw@bignet.com's
reply sped off over a tangled network of copper cables & twisted
pairs. we're a twisted pair, she thought guiltily, but with her
pulse racing.
after that
things just seemed to escalate.
every night she was a man, roaming the streets of cyberspace.
pervin in browsers & hangin out in chat groups.
> whaaaart!
her sister anabel said in caps when hanna told her about it 1 nite.
anabels younger than hanna but shes 20 goin on 40.
> how can
you do that? Why do you wanna pretend you're a man?
> well, you
know, people treat you a certain way when you're a woman. so i decided
2 become a man. i'm no femmo, but I'm sick of all the shit that
gets dished out jus cos ima woman - buyin a car ... guys always
whistling & comin on 2 ya. i always wondered what it would be
like 2 be a man for a day, or a week. then i thought why not be
a man all the time in cyberspace ya can.
> god hanna.
god.
> god had
nothin to do with it - then i got the idea 2 experiment.
> what sort
of experimentin?
> you know
- chattin' up & that.
> you been
chattin up guys on the net?
> no you
dill. women. i have to stay in character. they think ima guy, so
i hafta do guy stuff & sound guy.
when ya dig
a hole, you keep going down.
hank.shaw's experiment became a journey into the erotic over the
next few months cos 1 thing lead to another, as it does.
another intel chip upgrade came & went.
bill gates launched another version a windows with more bugs than
the last. hank.shaw@bignet.com
& sama@virtual.world.com
became close and
talked almost every nite.
they became friends.
> how's ya
eman experiment goin? anabel asked after 4 months of the cyber-shenanigans.
> great
well it's interesting.
> what do
youse talk about?
> all sorts
of stuff. computers
books
films .... life. she's really
into politics & social stuff like the environment and nuclear
testing in the pacific did you know that pacific actually means
peace? she's great. lately we've ar
we've also bin talkin bout
sex.
> SEX! your
talkin 2 a nother woman about sex: what sorta things ya saying?
> jus stuff
like what do ya look like & have ya got big boobs.
> you asked
her if she had big boobs?
>
yeah - i gotta be authentic. that's what blokes would ask. but we
got into some really hot talk 1 night late. i was sendin her lots
of ;-)s & stuff & said i was having fantasies about
her &
no you don't wanna know.
> yes I do.
what did you say?
>
i said
i said I'd like 2 c a picture of her naked & i cant
remember what else i'd been out havin a few vinos with emma
& then she came back with I'd like 2 :-o your cock. so
I said i would like 2 :-- her
ya know. i think she
was a bit pissed that nite 2.
> jees, hanna
- you're not saying that stuff 2 her are you? hanna you're talkin
2 another WOMAN. that's like
.like
> you mean
lesbian?
> yeah, i
guess no its not but it's like it, saying intimate sexy stuff
2 another woman. how do you feel about that?
> its jus
fun. don't you ever wanna xplore?
anabel ignored
her and asked:
> whata
ya gonna do if she wants 2 meet ya?
> i
don't think that'll happen - she lives in sydney.
> yeah, but
didn't you say she travels a lot?
> uh uh.
but we just won't meet. no way. i wouldn't agree.
> what if
she turns up on your door.
> how can
she? no one knows 4 sure who anyone is on the net & no one knows
where ya live unless you tell 'em - & even if she turned up,
i'd just clear out leave town.
> yeah, but
that guy in america got caught 4 makin the melissa virus. they knew
where he was. they say they know where everyone is.
> so THEY
know where THEY are. who the fucks they?
> ar
you
know what i mean & you know i'm right.
hanna frowned,
her thoughts movin on from intoxicated carnal fantasies 2 a reality
that was startin 2 force its way into her virtual world.
she was startin 2 feel the joke had gone 2 far.
she never intended things to get to this point.
but how could she get out?
easy in the e-world.
she would just hafta disappear.
but jus when
she was plannin her disappearance in cyberspace
an e-mail came from a guy called andyj@bigpond.com
the au showed he was in oz.
he said he was a friend of
sama@virtual.world.com
& had a wild
proposition.
he wanted hank.shaw 2 go to orstralia 2 meet the lovely sama.
andy hatched
the idea after gettin really pissed off at sam 4 his techno-transvestism.
he decided sam needed 2 be taught a lesson.
he felt a bit guilty when he sent the e-mail 2 hank.shaw
but he decided the time had come 2 blow the whistle.
sama of course
had 2 be carefully coerced as he would never agree 2 expose his
fraud to his netman.
but that was easy.
andy set up a rendezvous @ bondi beach on a satdey morning on the
pretence of meetin some of his mates for a beer.
sama was happy to join in even though he didn't know the friends
of andy's.
any excuse for a beer.
sama's netman
took a little more persuadin.
andy had 2 send 4 e-mails sayin how sama really wanted 2 meet him
but was afraid 2 ask him 2 come over.
at first, hank.shaw said no - no no no for a million reasons
no money.
too much on @ work.
crook mum.
going 2 europe for 3 months.
but then emma took up the case.
> i think
you should go.
> why?
> cos you
said you were close friends with a lot in common - & you always
wanted 2 go 2 orstralia.
> 1 small
detail darling you forgot about the fact that the netman is actually
a woman. when samatha finds out i'm a woman she'll be shocked
she might even go ballastic. what if she's a big bitch inta karate
or something?
> o yes silly
me
of course i haven't forgotten that you twit. but don't you
think you owe sama something? plenty of people make friends on the
net. some people even find permanent partners & get married
& everything.
the crazy emma
had a point hank.shaw was comin to a crossroads.
she had 2 either disappear into cyberspace or fess up.
she couldn't keep going the way she was.
she was hesitant - terrified actually.
going 2 orstralia 2 meet sama was an insane idea.
> besides,
if you HAVE got lesbian tendencies as anabel says, you'd better
find out.
> EMMA!
> well I
jus think you should go. after all, you said you genuinely had a
lot in common even though you lied about who you are. she'll understand
- women do. you'll have 2 apologise of course - but you'll probably
be laughin about it after 5 minutes.
> i'll think
about it okay.
To:
andyj@bigpond.com.au
OK I'll come.
how will I no ya?
by the way,
there's some things we'll hafta straighten out when I get there.
can we talk before i meet sama?
hank
andy replied
that he had bright red hair & would stand on the esplanade next
2 the main steps wearin a kangaroos jersey.
ya won't be able 2 miss me, he told the twitchy hank.shaw.
he reckon the kangaroos rugby jumper would ginger up a kiwi all
black.
bloody lyin sam won't know what hit im.
the day dawned
clear & sunny.
ansett flight 1519 landed just after 8 and a 40 minute taxi ride
saw hank.shaw @ sydney's famous bondi beach.
sam was impatiently walkin up & down lookin @ the surf &
the women in g strings & topless on the sand.
andy was waitin
- nervous with anticipation
expecting a big kiwi called hank who he would probably hafta pull
off sam
when a petite blonde woman walked directly up 2 him and said
> hi,
you're andy?
andy stared
@ the stranger blinking. it was sundey mornin & the brain was
still a little fuzzy.
an old girlfriend that he'd dumped or stood up?
someone from uni he'd forgotten?
a pregnant 1 night stand?
> i'm
hank, the stranger said.
>
HANK! andy squeaked with sudden stress-induced laryngitis. ha
ha
haan
> you're
andy?
> ah,
er
yeah - i'm andy - but
> i know.
i know. I'M hank.shaw - actually i'm hannah kershaw. it's a long
story. i couldn't explain by mail. i thought i had just better come
& face the truth. i feel terrible. i really feel terrible about
the deception.
sam, whose been
gazing out 2 sea watchin the surfers & boogy boarders, noticed
the blonde walk up & start talkin 2 andy.
andy was never good @ pickin up chicks
so he was curious.
> nice 2
meet you. so where's sama - samantha?
> samantha?
O
SAMANTHA. shit - andy raised his eyebrows, completely 4getting
about sam's net alias, his whole plot fallin apart b4 his eyes.
Sam heard the
name samantha and b4 andy's dazed brain could catch up 2 his mouth
he walked over & asked
> who are
you?
> i'm hank.shaw@
> farkin
ell.
> who are
you?
> i'm samanta.
> fuck!
> thats a
nice thing ta say?
> whataya
expect?
lots more was
said more in looks than words.
andy decided he better drag them off 2 the beer garden & get
everyone a drink to ease the stress.
they sat sippin drinks for an hour, tryin to recova & make conversation.
after the initial shock, sam admitted he liked hank.shaw.
> there4
you like ME and i like you, hanna said.
> yeah,
but you're not who i thought you were.
> bullshit.
i'm me. would ya prefer I was a man?
> no.
> then lets
take each other as we are. anyway, if i'm not me, nor are you you.
sam didn't
have an answer to that.
slowly the tension
eased & they relaxed a little. sentences grew longer. laughs
got less nervous.
we have 2 be
big about this, sam proposed.
hanna agreed - after all, they liked each other more than 4 months.
sam decided 2 make an effort & hanna seem to be tryin 2.
great
great ...
remember that time
this is bizarre
what about
.
despite the
calming powers of brokenwood cricket pitch chardonnay & andy's
embarrassed peacemakin
hanna said she didn't feel much like stayin on 4 a holiday after
her comin out & would fly home the next day.
sam had to admit it was a big day.
maybe next time she'd spend more time.
yeah, next time.
they did all
the usual stuff promisin 2 keep in touch & agreein 2 give
it a go
b4 hank.shaw RIP flew out mondey mornin on an air new zealin-ansett-singapore
airlines flight with 3 different flight numbers & a flock of
confused post-deregulation pax. open skies they call it when ya
can go anywhere with 1 airline ticket.
or with a PC!
> keep in
touch ya hear.
> yeah, keep
in touch. it was fun.
> yeah, it
was fun.
the
next afternoon @ work, sama@virtual.world.com
tapped out a message to
hank.shaw@bignet.com
& clicked
send.
she musta not been logged on that day.
Or perhaps she took a few days off.
Maybe the net was down.
the following
Satdey he sent off a longer message.
he told her he enjoyed meetin her.
he apologised again 4 his false identity
& said he felt bad about some of the stuff he'd said.
funny how people write things in e-mail that they wouldn't say or
write in snail mail.
sam did feel bad 4 both of them.
maybe if she forgave him
he could forgive himself & her.
@ 4.10 pm on
the sundey his e-mail bounced back.
To:
sama@virtual.world.com
System Administrator:
Undeliverable message.
Message failed.
Recipient not known.
|