Wha??

|Playin|I Ran|Flock Of Seagulls|

So I was on my way to pick up Treen and I was listening to 100.3 and there was a remake of Madonna's "music" by some new canadian rock band and it was pretty good. If any of you out there know who it is drop me a love note? pretty please with a cherry on top? I'll prally hear it again sometime this week but knowing me I'll find out who it is and then when I get home it will completely slip my mind
Him: Because it's President's Choice!!! *laughing*
Me: uMmmmm....Do you know that President's Choice is sold at Superstore????
Him: Oh....
Me: yups *knodding my head*
Cashier guy #2: Smart girl looks like she gotcha there
Him: *blank look*
Me: have a nice night!

uMmMmMmm yeah.... it was kinda funny..maybe you had to be there...

Anyhoos Treen and I went to the church tonight to check out this 6 week "Crash Course in Theology" thing. We get there and walk around a bit, talked to a couple people and find out that it doesn't start for another 2 weeks....I was kinda looking forward to it too but I guess good things come to those who wait =) so we ended up at Indigo once again

Suprisingly I didn't buy any books...I won this auction on ebay for a collection of 70 books on classic literature, so I figure it'll be awhile till I go book shopping again. I'm such a geek. But I can always buy more art books right?? ha ha I actually made an acrylic painting on the weekend. I call it "rainbow", it's an abstract. It doesn't look so great online I think you need to see it in person to capture it's true colors....it's got texture too all bumpy and stuff..it's not flat =)



Anyways, I better get to sleep, I have work early tomorrow =) Goodnight!

|WED|MAR|31|04|10:49PM|


------------------------------------------------------------



Bored

|Playin|Like You Dont|Janet|


What flavor lipgloss are you?

Cotton Candy

You're a total girly girl who every guy is sweet on.

You take pleasure in the simple things in life, from cute t-shirts to stuffed animals.

Any guy needs to match your romantic idealism to win your heart, which is why few have.

No wonder Cotton Candy is your signature flavor. It's delicious, sugary, and fun - like you!

What Flavor Lip Gloss Are You? Take This Quiz :-)

okay so cheese....that's what happens when your bored. You start to smell like cheese. I came across this site...one of those cheesy quiz sites. Can you believe they have quizes like WhaBoyfriend? quiz the reason you don't have a boyfriend is because your online taking a Why Don't You Have a Boyfriend? quiz.

Okay I'm being mean...I apologize. It's just for fun right? no one really takes these things seriously right? I mean I did this lipgloss one...and the results are so not me. cute shirts and stuffed animals? Romantic idealism? maybe the girly girl part is true and the cute shirts and stuffed animals could be like candy and lipgloss but yeah...do you smell that? it smells like cheese...

oh by the way, Janet's Damita Jo is off the hook! she's got this way with music, that makes you uncover emotions you didn't know you had and suddenly you start to feel again...

|SUN|MAR|28|04|11:24PM|


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Bliss

|Playin|Thing Called Love|The Darkness|

It's very rare that I find a song that I can play from beginning to end over and over again and not get sick.... well except maybe for some of my fave albums... okay let's rephrase that. It's very rare that I find a song that I can play from beginning to end over and over and feel a moment of bliss everytime I hear it. Right now that song is I believe in a thing called love by the darkness. It's kind of a cooky 80s classic rock opera kind of song, The video is completely nuts too, with oversized sea creatures and a spaceship and the lead singer reminds me of Tim curry in Rocky Horror Picture Show, now who doesn't love Tim Curry?? he's in Annie!!! It makes me crazy, it makes me dance, sing, laugh and smile all at the same time! oOoooOo ah.... Touching yoOOoOoOo touching meeEeeEeee..you gotta hear it.

And I love that bunnie lets me play it over and over and over in the car, he not only lets me play it over and over but he enjoys it too... Have you ever seen wayne's world? you know that scene where they all rock out in the car to that queen song? that was us all day yesterday in our own car rock video ha ha... life is great!

|THU|MAR|25|04|6:08PM|


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How High?

|Playin|Tomorrow|Avril|

So I finally updated....Feb came and went by so fast, it was amazing. I managed to learn a lot about myself and God, and I can definitely say I'm different.

a while back I went to mass, and during the homily the father was talking about how we only use a very small percent of our brains. How God has blessed us with so much potential to grow yet we take it for granted and follow a minimalistic approch. This is so true. He also mentioned that there is no limit to our knowledge, and we can learn so much in one day and there would still be room to grow.

This thought has played a big role in my life lately. After that moment I had this uncontrolable passion to learn. And I'm still learning... I thought Feb would go by so slow and I'd run out of things to do, but in fact it was the exact opposite.

I got back into my art, I studied it, I practiced it. I had this urge to read every well known piece of classic literature and am now currently reading Crime & Punishment, I started to lalthough I'm not yet graceful at it, I'm still working on it and I've started my cardio regime again on the treadmil, and floor work. This in all but a month and a couple weeks, and still growing

And to think that I have a whole lifetime to grow. There are an unlimited amount of resources out there to learn, to grow, to become a more rounded person, and I'm gonna try to come full circle. It's a challange, but at the same time completely fun. I'm having a blast, and with spring just around the corner, there will be tons of stuff to do! EEeeeEek!! I can't wait!

Now that you've asked me to jump, my answer is how high?

|SUN|MAR|14|04|12:28AM|


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Actions Speak Louder then Words

|Playin|The Zepher Song|RHCP|

I can't believe how some people would rather speak, then do anything at all. I had this little episode today, and it made me realize that in some situations people would rather just sit and wait, then get up and do something, to avoid confrontation. It's almost unbelievable.

So I was on my way to the hospital to go visit my dad, and decided to park in the underground parking lot. Now I'm sure everyone's familiar with underground parking lots, you basically line up to take a park ticket from the machine and one by one each car rolls past the automatic garage door. Now this was a one wayer, so inorder to get out of the line you have to wait till the last person in line backs up, so it's sorta like one of those point of no return single laners....make sense?

I drive up, and it was busy as usual, so I had to wait. But for some reason we weren't moving. There were 5 cars in front of me and I was still on the main road waiting to turn in, and there were 3 cars behind also signaling to turn in and traffic was piling up behind them. It didn't seem like a huge deal to begin with until I noticed that the first car was just parked by the ticket machine and the cars behind it were starting to honk like crazy men. It was chaos

So after 5 mins I was beginning to wonder what was going on, the nurses and doctors that were stationed outside having there smoke breaks were just looking at the traffic pile up and just watching. And it didn't seem like anything was happening. Maybe the parking lot was full? but the "Full" light wasn't flashing and there were many vehicles coming out of the lot.

So instead of waiting I get out of my car and walk over to the smoke breakers and ask one of the doctors if he knew if there was anything wrong with the lot? he said no and I asked him if maybe the full sign was broken or something? he said he didn't think it was. So that wasn't much help.

So I walk over to the first car and knock on the guy's window, Is everything okay? I ask. This very confused elderly man sitting behind the wheel answers with "I don't know what's happening, I took my ticket and nothing is happening the door won't open." So I press the button a couple more times and nothing happens. "how long have you been waiting?" I ask, "maybe 20 mins now" he says with a look of fear in his eyes, he looked like he was gonna cry...awwww poor old man I thought while these cars behind him continue to cuss and honk there horns.

So, I look around and see a hidden door, I walked over to the breakers and ask them where the door leads and they gave me a shrug, and one answers with "I think it goes into the hospital, but you'll have to walk a long way to get inside the parking lot" So dispite of that comment I go inside and find a long dark hallway that doesn't look like it leads anywhere.

So after another 10 mins of running around, talking to the parking attendant, and coming back to the place of chaos, I knock on the the old man's window and out of breath I tell him "drive up closer to the door and it will open" Sooooooooo simple. So he did, and the door opened.

Now, these people behind him sat there for a good 30mins and none of them had the sense to see if anything was wrong, they just sat there and I couldn't believe it. What if the old man was unconscious? what if he was dead? what if the car was stalled, would they have sat there for another 30mins cussing and honking, knowing that it wasn't doing anything to help??? UGH!! and the people sitting outside on their breaks??? what? let's just watch and do nothing??

I just couldn't believe the inaction. This poor old man...scared and confused behind the wheel causing a major traffic jam, and everyone decides to just sit and watch. There were easily over 30 people there, and no one had the sense to do anything.

*sigh* man o man. It just irks me when people would rather assume and use profanity in a chaotic situation, then just shut up and do something to help someone.

|FRI|MAR|12|04|10:00PM|


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DAY 29 |Romans 14:19|
DAY 28 |Psalm 23:3|
DAY 27 |Psalm 23:4|
DAY 26 |Psalm 23:1-2|
DAY 25 |MAtthew 5:16|
DAY 24 |Mark 9:38|
DAY 23 |Matthew 17:5|
DAY 22 |Galatians 2:20|
DAY 21 |Matthew 17:16-17|
DAY 20 |MAtthew 5:16|
DAY 19 |Matthew 5:13|
DAY 18 |Matthew 16:24|
DAY 16 |Matthew 16:24|
DAY 17 |Matthew 16:24|
DAY 16 |Matthew 6:12|
DAY 15 |1 Thessalonians 3:12, 4:9|
DAY 14 |Hosea 3:1|
DAY 13 |1 Corinthians 13:7|
DAY 12 |1 John 3:4|
DAY 11 |John 14:21|
DAY 10 |2 Corinthians 1:20|


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Patience

|Acts 26:16|

Day 9. One of the main things I've re-learned this past week was patence. for some reason lately, I've had this urge to plan things and get things done in quicktime... and I find myself wanting to know NOW what's suppose to become of all these plans. If you know me, this isn't me at all... I don't like to plan things, and usually I'm pretty laid back and content with what's going on and always willing to wait for what's gonna happen....so I've taken a step back this week when it comes to anxiousness, and a step forward with my faith.

So yeah, I haven't blogged in several days, but as you can see I've added the readings for all the days that I missed out on, so at least I'm being responsible =)

So my weekend in a nutshell... friday night I had to work late, well not really late, only until 7 so it wasn't so bad....then I picked up Trina Rina for a sleepover..it was coo we didn't sleep at all friday night, we pretty much chatted it up until 5 in the morning about a whole lot of stuff, we even woke up pretty early on sat and lounged about for a good part of the morning till late afternoon. Then we went out to the craft store, I'm trying to get her into painting...so we started her off with paint by numbers. We also took a trip to the big busy Wallmart to get myself an electrical pencil sharpener for my sketch pencils, ankle wieghts and a pilates resistance band. After that we came home for a snack and then went to mass. At night, Dex called to chill but I opted out, since I was almost grumpy that I hadn't slept.

Then on Sun, I pretty much caught up on my sleep and then some....I think I slept all day...then I chilled with my bro in the evening since I haven't seen him in hella days..

so yeah nothing too too exciting. I tried out my resistance bands today and they're pretty cool, they hecka hurt though, I think I'll be ripped by the end of the month so watch out, or be ready for some good ol' fashion ass kickin'

|Mon|FEB|09|04|8:47PM|


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DAY 8 |Philippians 4:6|
DAY 7 |Romans 14:23|
DAY 6 |Hebrews 12:1|
DAY 5 |Mark 1:36|


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And He spoke to me

|Luke 24:32|



Day 4. I started to draw again. Being limited these days I decided to do the things I really enjoy doing that I haven't done in awhile...today alone I drew some sketches of the human body, a balarina, and Jesus. I think I'm gonna paint this weekend...

I chilled with Trina today, it was cool we met up at Indigo looked around, laughed and had almond biscotti & coffee...I haven't seen this girl in ages so it was hecka cool. We'll prally chill this weekend too. I want this book I saw at Indigo....poetry by Emily Dickens it looked pretty interesting but I had to refuse...since I bought a whole bunch of books just last weekend....so I closed my eyes and Trina hid it in some pile so I can't come back for it.....*sigh* it's good to have friends that help you restrain....I think? man I want that book...

Anyways, I finished reading Camus's L'etranger, pretty good. It's funny how there's so much truth in that book. Camus outlines that fact that always being truly honest about your thoughts and feelings may not always be appreciated. He shows the reader how society sometimes expects you to lie about your emotions in order to fit a norm. The main character lives by honesty and in the end he gets executed for that same honesty....it's pretty erie...but cool. anyhoos...I'm reading Wuthering Hieghts right now...I'm such a geek.... *sigh*

|WED|FEB|04|04|8:40PM|


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Power, Not Fear

|2 Timothy 1:7|

Day 3. Today's reading is pretty cool...it reminds me of Mark Twain he said something like "Courage is not the lack of fear, but acting in spite of it." I think a lot of the time we don't do things because we fear something.....imagine if you always lacked courage? that would completely suck nothing would ever get done. I think there actually is a name for that condition....I forgot what it was called...something phobic... but isn't there a phobia for everything? I wonder if someone is actually scared of something like bananas?? what is that banana-phobic? that would be weird... Bananas Baneenees Banoonoos heh

|TUE|FEB|03|04|11:00PM|


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Seasons

|Ecclesiastes 3:1|

Day 2. There's a season for everything and life brings about seasons of down times and up times....and without the downs, we wouldn't appreciate the ups as much as we do...so we've gotta appreciate the downs just as well.

I feel like I'm in rehab and this is detox..it's so hard.....to not do the things that I'm accustomed to do during the day....but it's all right...I got treats today. Ace brought me presents today, she bought me some lip gloss like 4 different kinds she's so great I love you Ace! *muah*

27 more days to go....goodnight kiddos, sleep tight and don't let the bed buggies bite

|MON|FEB|02|04|9:14PM|


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Stripped

|PSALM 1:1-3|

urbanlove.com will be on hiatus for awhile...well, not really. This month we're gonna take a journey. A spiritual journey. So it'll be a little different. They'll prally be a lot of skepticism out there, callin me a Bible huggin' Jesus freak, but I couldn't care less.

A big part of my life is my belief in God, the spiritual side of me is what makes me whole, but with all the noise around me lately it's been pretty easy to neglect the things that I need to do, and get caught up in the hectic happenings of everyday life. I need to settle down and choose silence for awhile...and listen

The month of February is the month of love, with national couple's day and Valentines day...it's time for the ooey gooey, and the mushy wushy. It's also the month before lent. This year I'm gonna do it a little different, instead of using the time of lent to prepare for easter, I've decided to make this month a spiritual journey, in preparation for lent. It's the month of love, and who do I love? God.

those of you out there that don't get this whole catholic thing...it's all good, you can come on the journey with me, and maybe I won't be the only one who learns from this experience. My goal this month is to simply strip my life of all the things that create the noise, and participate in the things that can bring me closer to God. This is called Mission: FAST. Aside from Ace's and my Mission: DUMP HOG or Ron's and my Mission: HOOK UP, this is what I'll be focusing on this month.

So why am I stripping? because if I can live without the things I feel I need the most, and live off my faith alone, then I can conquer anything. I was at mass today and the homily confirmed every decision I've made this month. "If it seems so easy...then something must be wrong." and it has been, my life lately has been really easy. Everything's been too comfortable, and what I need is to mix it up a bit and accept a challenge.

Sacrifice. If I can sacrifice the things that mean the most to me to be with God....even Bunnie... what will I have left? God of course... where all things begin. So Like I've been called to do this month, I'm dropping everything, to live in silence so that I can hear God. It may seem ludacris to some of you out there....but it makes sense to me.

So today is Day 1. this may be a short month being a leap year and all, but 29 days is hecka long if you ask me... since it means that I'm gonna go crazy missing Bunnie every second of the day and february being the month of love without my love it'll be a tough sacrifice but I'm sure it'll all be worth it...besides, absence make the heart grow fond.

|SUN|FEB|01|04|8:37PM|


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*cough*

|Playing|Milkshake|Kelis|

SoOoo it's back to normal tomorrow...I've finally kicked this virus...it turned out that I had laryngitis...eww huh? yeah I couldn't talk for days...but I can talk now see??? he he

I pretty much slept all week and all weekend, Bunnie took good care of me, he cooked for me, slept with me and even read to me...I love it when I get read to...especially when it's something interesting like "art of war" or something...*sigh* but I can finally get things done on my own now...I miss everyday things like work and driving

It's almost valentines day! eEeek! suprises suprises....actually I think that everyday should be valentines day...if you love someone you should take every opportunity to show them you care, and celebrate. We should eat cake everyday, be romantic everyday, make heart crafts and cookies everyday, wouldn't that be great? then we'd always know that they knew, and they'd always know that we knew and there would be no confusion. If you gotta do one thing everyday, it's tell the ones you love that you care.

|SUN|JAN|25|04|8:14PM|


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I need to...

|Playing|Baby|Ashanti|

I am soOoOoo sick right now, I can't move, I can't eat, I can't talk....I went home early from work yesterday feeling all pukey (ewww I know) and feverish looks like it's a work thing cuz a few people from my department came down with the same thing...get well soon everyone

I need to do so many things... I need to go pick up and pay for my car from the shop, I need to pay bills, I need to write papers and finish projects, I need to do some call backs at work, I need to....I need to rest...

I guess it's not so bad...not having to do anything but sleep...but still... I need to get things done...

|FRI|JAN|16|04|2:43PM|


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Independant to a fault

|Playing|Yesterday|Hilary Duff|

I like to think I can do anything and everything, I use to never think that it was such a big deal until bunnie pointed out to me that it's okay to ask for help. It's not just okay, but sometimes you just HAVE to because some things are humanly impossible to do on your own. I've always kept this in the back of my mind but I never really considered taking it seriously.

So last week I was driving home in -25 weather and my car stalled, probably from a frozen gas line or something to do with the cold. I was in the middle of a busy street in the left lane and I was completely stranded. Cars were passing me by so fast, there were a couple jerks honking as if I had control over the fact that my car was in the middle of the street and my car was loosing heat so fast that if I wasn't careful I could've suffered from some kind of hypothermia. Not only that but if a car didn't see my hazzards in time I was afraid that someone would rearend me unable to stop in time on the icy road I had to get out of there. and quick.

So... I break out the cell phone and I have one bar left on the battery (this has taught me to always charge my phone) Now I had a couple of options... I was all feeling pressured so I guess I wasn't thinking straight...So there was Bunnie...but he's at the gym working out so I didn't want to bother him, knowing I would probably get the voicemail, and I only had one bar on my cell phone...what if it dies after I get voicemail?? Then there was my bro, he was at work...I can't ask him to leave work to come save me??? then there's my dad, but with his heart condition...I didn't want to put any pressure on him considering the type of saving I needed involved car pushing, then there were various friends I didn't want to inconvenience...O Man O Man It's getting cold I thought while I was deciding on who to bug to come help me. So after much debate I decided to call my dad, he'd be able to call a tow or something.

In the meantime....I still couldn't get out of the car b/c the traffic was so heavy I really didn't want to risk getting hit by a raged car. Then a car stopped behind me on hazzards and this guy got out of his car and asked me if I was okay....I blatantly lied and said yeah I have everything in control and he drove off. Okay dumb??? yeah I was wanting to kick myself after he left..I mean even if he was a psycho killer he can still help me push my car out of the road right?? So I waited...and waited and then a couple other cars stopped and I accepted help...by this time my dad had arrived and with the help of a guy from the dollar rent-a-car shop close by, five guys pushed me to safety.

so now my cars in the shop, and after talking to bunnie... I know now that no matter how much of an inconvenience I feel like...I need to ask for help, especially from him, he really should be the first person I call in any emergency situation. The whole thing could have been worse.. I'm independant, but to a fault. and I admit I'm stubborn...very stubborn.

So I had to shell out $50 for the tow, and who knows how much for the repairs....I really should have applied for my own AMA membership when my dad sugested it...I mean it includes 24hr roadside assitance and 5 tows...I would have been well set. But I guess, I'm gonna have to be in help accepting mode for the next week or so, until my car gets fixed...or hopefully I'll be in help accepting mode for now on...we'll see.


|SUN|JAN|11|04|10:55AM|


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It's Funny How

|Playing|Taking Over Me|Evanescence|

It's funny how I can whisper your name at night and I know you can hear. It's funny how I'll dream of you and when I wake I know you dreamt of me too. It's funny how your name alone can stir up emotions so strong, or the lyrics of a song can uncover feelings unknown. It's funny that I know this even though I'm unsure, how my heart knows things that my mind will always question I'll never know. And it's funny how my words will maybe be unheard, but what my heart tells me is that it's funny that your heart already knows.

|SUN|JAN|04|04|9:10PM|


------------------------------------------------------------



Brand Spanking New

|Playing|Hello|Evanescence|

So I got sick of my layout and decided to change it... I mean I was still feeling a little fruity but since I'm in this whole rock phase thing I thought it would be cool to reflect it.

So yesterday I went shopping, and bought the Biff Cd for $12. good deal huh? it was the 2CD set with one musical and one dvd of music videos nice huh? today I got Dobson for $8, and red dragon & chicago dvd for $10... I'm so lucky huh?

It was my kuya's birthday too today so I'm getting him the Buffy Season 4 DVD set, it was sold out so I have to wait...we made pizza and pasta, since we didn't want to exclude my dad since he can't eat out with his condition....but it was good. Happy Birthday Kuya!!

I'm not so much into blogging mode right now...

|SUN|JAN|04|04|5:49PM|


------------------------------------------------------------



Happy New Year!

|Playing|Anytime|Brian McKnight|

The new year has started pretty well with me...I didn't do much to celebrate but nothing too disasterous has happened, so I guess it'll be a great year. I'm at work right now and it feels like monday....I ran for about an hour before bed last so I fell asleep really quick =) so I'm all rested...but it's cold in the office today...I think b/c of the holiday they haven't turned on the heat properly or something b/c my hands are like ice...anyways...7 more hours to go...I hope the day goes by fast... I gotta go shopping for my kuya's birfday present...I'm thinking DVDs....
|FRI|JAN|02|04|8:55AM|


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Candy Canes

|Playing|It's My Life|No Doubt|


Candy Canes are so pretty.... The way the glassy red candy swirls around the opaque porceline white I love it, and the multi colored ones are even better... colors are so pretty. Next time you eat a candy cane check it out real close, you'll be mistified by it's beauty....I was anyways...I think that there are alot of things around us that are really beautiful, and we never take the time to notice any of it. Everything whether it's man made or natural holds some kind of beauty...my new years resolution is to stop and smell the flowers and take time to appreciate the beauty around me. I am really lucky to be able to experience the little things that go un-noticed...I think that'll be my new thing, I'll put it in the "recently" part of my site...that way I won't forget to appreciate and I'll be able to share my findings *smile*

I'm so tired... I want to sleep but then I won't be able to sleep tonight, so I'll keep myself awake for now....blog yah later...<---yeah I know smells like cheese

|MON|Dec|29|03|4:54PM|


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Gothika

|Playing|99 Red Balloons|Nena|

So I watched Gothika last night....Holy Cheese and Rice!! it was scary... it wasn't a go home scared movie, it was more like a scared while watching movie. Does that make sense? forreals tho I was totally jumping out of my seat and that never happens to me.. I was hiding under my jacket and I was like DEX!!! I CAN'T WATCH THIS....it was cool tho, I liked it, it was really interesting and different, it got a little predictable in the end but you still want to know what happens in the end. Kinda like 6th sense, but not. Check out the flash site =)

We woke up this morning at 4am to see my family off to the airport for their 6am flight...I miss them already. It was soOo cold out.. and I was so tired only having 2 hours sleep, we .....

*sigh* What am I gonna do today? I have no clue... I want to lounge around but I don't..I'm in this undecisive mood...

|SUN|Dec|28|03|1:05PM|


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Dazed & Confused

|Playing|Last Christmas |Wham|

I need sleep...
|SUN|Dec|27|03|8:00PM|


------------------------------------------------------------



Check It Out

|Playing|Make You Mine |Fab|

oOoOoO This is my new phone *thanx Bunnie*, it matches the decor in my room... and these are some frames I made *smile* Pink Pink Pink.... a little overkill but that's okay it's sOOoOo me =)

I went shopping today! I went shopping yesterday too...I got La Senza secret stuff.. a white and pink mug...and clothes..like 4 pairs of pants, a denim jacket a white drivers cap and another velour track suit this time it's gray w/pink ofmuch anymore...

I totally freaked today cuz when i was at the drug store I opened my wallet and I had 2 debit cards!! and one was bunnie's! I was keeping it safe yesterday and i totally forgot to give it back! I felt sooO bad b/c I know he wanted to go shopping today too and I was so worried....*sorry bunnie*

Last night my god parents were over for dinner w/AC we had a couple laughs, Ac's soOoo nice, apparently we used to play when we were younger and I hadn't seen her in 10 years and it turns out she went to school with everyone I know ha ha it's such a small world huh?

dex is coming over tonight... I haven't spent any real time w/him in ages so it'll be good! I wanna thank everyone who sent me holiday greetings!! you guys rock! anyhoos... I'm gonna get organized my rooms a jungle right now, I gotta find some space for all my new stuff =)


|SAT|Dec|27|03|6:09PM|


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Laundry Day

|Playing|More & More |Joe|

I woke up this morning with a sore throat it was brutal....the phone actually woke me up and I freaked out and I accidentally pushed the phone off my bed and I hung up on the caller, I thought I broke the phone it smashed so hard on the floor....but it was okay *phew* I slept in today, I haven't slept in on the weekend for the longest time so it was nice. Bunnie made me peach tea and breakfast and we lounged all morning watching rented dvd's, aterwards I my throat felt normal again =) but it's still a little sore when I swallow *hrmph*

EeeEek! 3 more hours and they'll be here!!! I love when people come over to visit from far away... it's nice but time always goes by real fast and before you know it they're going home already....but I'm planning to make the most of their stay since it'll only be a week... maybe dinner theater? I dunno..or bright nights? I have coupons to bright nights so maybe...

I'm gonna miss the Gala tonight, I was looking forward to it months ago but then all this stuff came up and I lost track of time and I totally forgot about it until it was too late and I already made plans for the airport..but it's okay I plan to party hard the next couple weeks... grams's bringing the Hennesy from cali...can you believe that stuff sells for $99 here?? it's like $15 in cali...dayam

oOoo did I tell you I got this cool pink velour joggin suit?? ha ha I got it like 2 weeks ago but I haven't worn it yet...I'm like it's toOoo nice to wear but then again when I start wearing it it'll be the only thing I wear ha ha I want to go shopping so bad... I think it's time for a new wardrobe...I want pink shoes..

anyways....I better get going, I gotta finish cleaning up and get dressed..yes it's 3 in the afternoon and I'm still in my jammies....

|SAT|Dec|20|03|3:16PM|


------------------------------------------------------------



Exhale

|Playing|The Zephyr Song|Red Hot Chili Peppers|

*sigh* 4 days off!! whOoOoo I requested holiday time off like 4 weeks ago and I just got approval 2 days ago...I'm so happy. My family's flying in from california tomorrow so it'll be good =) I finally finished all of my treat shopping today. Well, maybe except for one present for my Godson..but I have 4 more days right? you'd think I wouldn't have such a problem shopping for a child since I'm a big kid myself but a good gift for a little boy?? I have no clue....I can do presents for girls....but man o man....boys are hard...even the grown ones...I got tons of treats for bunnie tho he's real easy because I know him so well....right bunnie?.... ha ha but shHhh it's top secret.

I kinda disapeared there for awhile huh? I haven't blogged in hella days... i dunno it's like daily I'll make a mental note to blog and then when the day is over I'll lay in bed and think...oh man I forgot to blog and I'll be too lazy to turn the computer on...I kinda get sick of the computer after coming home from work...so it's sorta the last thing I wanna see at the end of the day, but I guess since it's holiday for me I'll appreciate the comp more.

*sigh* I saw bunnie yesterday, and we had dinner at T&T w/his dad...it was pretty cool cuz I never really ate there before...I mean it's a chinese grocery store in a mall??? but it was actually really nice...I think we should go more often. It was nice tho b/c I hadn't spent time with him for days b/c of work and stuff. I have the biggest crush on him...

I'm playing guitar again... I kinda stopped for the longest time but it's starting to be an addiction again...i love it and I want a hot pink electric...I can't really afford it right now tho with christmas expenses and all but soon... I'm getting a new phone next month a RED one!! ha ha..it's almost pink... but red's nice, I like red

I can't sleep...I kinda had a long day and I need to do laundry still... maybe I should do that now...nah..i'll do it tomorrow morning. I washed my car today too =) so it's sparkling clean *OoOoo* *aaaaAah* I hadn't washed it since like october b/c of the weather... it's actually warm out so I don't have to worry about any freezing like last time....no good I say no good. Okay, so I don't have anything to blog about anymore...I think I'll actually make an effort to blog more often, then maybe it'll be more entertaining...it's so sad that I have this site and I don't even make good use of it.....*new year's resolution* blog more often.


|FRI|Dec|19|03|11:15PM|


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The Moment

|Playing|Diggin your Style|Frankie J feat Baby Bash|

The Setting: A small crowded pastry shop
The Company: Him
You couldn't even move without knocking someone's something over, and there we were sitting there, only inches apart and we had great converstaion, I fed him pastry and I had his undivided attention...I was happy *smile*


|TUE|Dec|02|03|9:00AM|


------------------------------------------------------------



ICE

|Playing|P.I.M.P|Snoop|

Okay so it's Oct.30 and it's 15 below.....that's cold yanno. It's snowing outside and my door gets iced shut and I can't get into my car. Someone told me to spray some gasline antifreeze onto the rubber lining but I dunno??? won't that damage the lining? I also gotta get some lock de-icer cuz sometimes the key won't even turn *hrmph* I really don't like winter....not to mention the icy road...I'm becoming and old man driver again....driving a 40 on a 70 limit

So the funeral was great...it was such a beautiful service, sad but beautiful...and cold....it was really cold outside. I think everything will go back to normal now, I've been missing out on a lot of work

Time is going by so slow today...everytime I look at the clock it's like 5 mins since the last time I looked...man o man....

It's halloween tomorrow...I think I'm gonna end up handing out candy...which is cool. I think Leslie is sleeping over so we can rent some horror flicks or something and veg

As you can see I don't really have anything interesting to say so I'm gonna stop now I think it's just been a dreary day for me....

|THU|Oct|30|03|12:27PM|


------------------------------------------------------------



Daylight Savings

|Playing|Suga|Frankie J|

I like that Frankie J song mostly b/c the very beginning sounds like kitties...ha ha ANYWAYS

I totally forgot about daylight savings today....my day was all messed up because of that, not messed up in a bad way but it was kinda cool to think it was later then it really was and keep finding that I had an extra hour. I don't like it when it's the other way around, where you loose an hour

Anyways, it's been a hectic week and another one is on it's way, it's been emotionally draining...I need to get off work early on tuesday and get wed off, for the funeral. I get to do the first reading at the funeral, but I'm afraid my emaotions may take over and I'll get all caught up in between....but I'll fight it as hard as I can.

I gotta break out the black wardrobe....for some reason I have no more clothes...after the whole move my closet has downsized dramatically....like seriously, I had a lot of clothes and now I only have enough to get me through the week and I gotta do my laundry or I'll have nothing to wear freals!!...not to mention half of my clothes are made up of Jarv's shirts and hoodies

AnyhoOs...I got pics developed, pics from cali from when me and Ace went. I found a roll of film when I was packing and I wasn't exactly sure what it was so I brought them to get developed and sure enough it was me and Ace, so when I go to work this week I gotta remember to bring Ace her set of the photos....those pics brought back hecka memories...I know she'll like them =)

Welps I think I'm gonna go to sleep early today, I'm so drained...plus I keep forgetting to eat b/c I've been so busy and the time passes so fast, it's really bad too b/c I get all weird when I don't eat b/c of my low blood sugar...almost grumpy and all dizzy. Kay kiddos...g'nite

|SUN|Oct|26|03|8:19PM|


|FRI|Oct|24|03|4:48PM|


------------------------------------------------------------


Help ME!!

HOLY CHEESE AND RICE!! I'm really trying to be open minded here, really I am....but the way I feel about Shaw...*ARRG* It was only installed yesterday and the email server is down so I miss Telus!!! I really really miss telus!! I mean common!! it's been 1 day...not even a day and I'm already having problems! not to mention when the guy came over to install the damn thing he was giving me this condesending tone like I'm some computer idiot and gives me this picture manual that shows you how to set up your email account...and tells me "It's pretty straight forward...follow pictures 1 through 14 and you'll be fine." He then sets up all my internet options and tells me not to touch them. *okay breath Laney, BREATH*

man o man...I don't know what's wrong with me

|TUE|Oct|21|03|5:50PM|


------------------------------------------------------------


Tee Hee

|Playing|Get Into The Groove|Madonna|

Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Theodore!
Theodore who?
Theodore's stuck and it won't open!

It's only funny b/c I know some old man with that name..ha ha

|THU|Oct|16|03|3:02PM|


------------------------------------------------------------


I Rock!

|Playing|Hollywood|Madonna|

So this morning I woke up early, and did my usual routine and I was timing everything right so that I would get to work a little early for a change, but then I didn't anticipate that there would be hecka frost on my car so frost scraping took up 5 mins then when I backed out of the driveway I realized I forgot my security pass....so I ran back in the house to look for my pass and I thought it was in my jeans from yesterday but it wasn't and I thought maybe I left it in my purse which was still in my car so I run back to my car and look in my purse and nOooo it's not there so I run back to the house and after 15 mins of rustling around boxes and piled up stuff I remember I put it on the front room side table ack!!! so I never made it as early as expected...

So I'm having a really good week at work =) I got treats this week for really good performance. I got a brand spanking new webcam!! eEek! I'm not really sure if I'll actually put it to good use, I'm not really one of those webcam fanatics but I guess I can always start right? we'll see... I had a choice either a webcam, a new souped up keyboard or different choices in computer software and games... too bad there wasn't a mouse...I really need a new mouse but I guess I'm saving money b/c it costs more for a webcam then a mouse if I were to buy one retail. Yay!!

So I had a 30min converstaion with my aunt in cali last night..I really miss my family down there...it was nice, She told me my cousin Chris booked her flights for her and my grams to come here for Christmas, so I'm totally excited!! eEek! I can't wait....actually I can't wait to put up the Christmas decor...I love Christmas...is October too early to decorate for Chirstmas??? I think not...I mean Ikea and Costco are already geared up with Christmas decorations so why can't I right?? well, maybe I'll wait until Nov...Nov 1st that is!! ha ha

So it's Campus dinner tomorrow night, I'm not sure if I'll make it since I still have a lot of organizing to do at home but we do have a Campus GA 9am on Sat, so I'll see if I can at least make that...

So it's really slow here today at work...I don't know what to do with myself..*sigh* maybe I'll do emails or something....it's super cold out, so no tennis, and it's dreary outside so no patio fun *sigh* I'll think of something.

|THU|Oct|16|03|9:03AM|


------------------------------------------------------------


Two Small Men With Big Hearts

|Playing|Thinkin' Bout Me|Brian McKnight|

Have you ever seen those moving trucks with the big hearts on them and they say "two small men with big hearts" I've always wondered if it's really two small men doing all the moving...

Okay so moving is harder then I thought. I have so much stuff!!! but it's going... Over the weekend my dad bro and I rented a U-haul and it doesn't look that big but when we started to pile things in there it's like we ran out of stuff to put in...those things are huge, the thing is is that there are still a lot of things in the house we need to pack....so that's what I'm up to this week.

With regret we're going back to Shaw I don't like shaw, I think they're not reliable and their service isn't so great but....they have this digital cable and internet package at a great price, so last week I said goodbye to my perfect dsl modem and have been with no home connection. So I should be connected again by next week. BTW if you didn't get my email about the email address change, just write me a love note and I'll send it to you =)

Anyways I finally got a new bed whOohOo I love it. It's from Ikea and it's a queen!!! eEeek! I've never had a queen before actually all my life I've slept on a twin so I'm happy!! I also got a new king sized down duvet *sigh* I Love it!!

Anyways I gotta run...have to go to school, I'm at work right now but I'll prally blog tomorrow since I have work again tomorrow....

|WED|Oct|15|03|11:32AM|


------------------------------------------------------------

Watch Out Martha!

|Playing|Love Don't Love Me|Justin Timberlake|



I finally started to get a hang of the whole mosaic art thing...ha ha I'm so relieved...cuz I had all these supplies and I was so scared to try again after the whole candle holder disaster...I didn't want to waste any of the supplies....but I think I'm gonna stick with frames for now...maybe one day I can be like a handcrafted frame designer....but by the looks of this one i'm gonna need a lot more practice..."Frames by Laney" has a nice ring to it...then I would do themes and and call them collections...like all blue frames and trinkets and call it "The Blue Collection by Laney" *smile* or have warm colored frames and call it "The Summer Collection by Laney"...I'm having so much fun with this idea!! then I would sell them in posh boutiques, and each piece made by me would be beautifully wrapped in silvery white tissue paper with gold swirls and then boxed in a box designed according to the collection and then tied with a ribbon and a generic card that has printed on it "With Love From Laney" *sigh* wouldn't that be lovely....

|TUE|Sep|23|03|8:56PM|


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Wagon Wheels


yanno those marshmallow filled chocolate covered cookies? last night I couldn't sleep and I was lying in bed wondering why those things are called wagon wheels...I mean, they don't even look like real wagon wheels do they? I would understand if they had holes in them for spokes of if they were rock hard cookies but the only resembalance I came up with was that they were both brown. Well real wagon wheels I think are brown, that's what color they are in that game Oregon Trail..but who knows. It's pretty pathetic huh? that I lost sleep over this lastnight...*sigh* I guess that's what happens to people when they're tired and emotionally drained, I needed something to think about, to get my mind off my present situation

|TUE|Sep|23|03|9:13AM|


------------------------------------------------------------


Tragedy

and all I wanted was to hear your voice...

|MON|Sep|22|03|10:00PM|


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Today's word: SUPER Part II

|Playing|Holiday|Madonna|

sEe!! I'm bloging again, like I promised! So where did I leave off??? hMMmm Oh yeah my birthday!! it was great and I gots tons of treats!! mostly all you typical girly stuff like clothes, lip gloss, and nail polish pens =) if you know me I'm not really into big presents..I like little things like lip gloss ha ha I love lip gloss...I also got the new monica cd from Anthony yay! thanx Ant!....he also got me this cool bear shaped license plate from NWT... he was there all summer. I also got craft supplies to make mosaic art...which I think I totally screwed up last night....I tried to make this mosaic candle holder but I think I waited too long to wipe the grout off and it sorta just all dried up....I'll try again this weekend. I also got me spider writers!! oOoo crayola spider writers I love them!

I didn't go to the zoo this year...I pretty much just went out to eat w/my familia for lunch and then Jarv took me out all day to the malls and to a movie and dinner when we got home we were so pooped and exausted we just fell asleep. Thank you Jarv for a fun day! *muah* So it was an action packed day for me =) it was cool b/c it was the first birthday ever in a long time that it didn't actually rain outside.

So I got my pictures from vacation developed finally!! I had them put it on a photo cd so that it would be easy...



There's something really enchanting about bridges....especially in the bay area.


More bridge different angle....


This was our last night there, at TGI Fridays. That's L-R Mark, Chris, Me, Stella, and my Kuya.

So that's just a couple of a lot of pics...unfourtunately I don't think I got any pics of some other peeps we hung out with like Oliver, Shaun, Lon, Candice and Herlene....but I'm still missing a couple of rolls...so I dunno maybe Oliver and Shaun are in those rolls since we spent a lot of time with them too...*sigh* I miss Frisco...

So yeah I think I'm finally all blogged out for today... wish all ya'll a SUPER good night

|WED|Sep|03|03|8:45PM|


------------------------------------------------------------


Today's word: SUPER

|Playing|In Da Club|50 Cent|


So, I've decided, since I haven't bloged in a SUPER long time...it's time for one of those super long blogs...it's about time huh?

Anyways I've had a SUPER busy couple of weeks...last time I bloged I was all excited about the Campus camp which turned out really well, it was SUPER intimate, I did my favorite talk...# 3 and we played scatagories not the real real scatagories...etown style scats and it was fun even for the rythmicly challenged right Owen?!? and I have to say Tito Nap and Tita Ely are the most wonderful and greatest co-ordinators on the face of the planet!! I love ya'll, overall the camp for me, helped me reach a whole new level w/God, I just experienced this overwhelming feeling of happiness, greatfulness and this calming peace that I've been feening for the longest time

What else...It was Ace's birthday last thursday the 28th whOoo she's the best, miss I love SSC!! I've known her for a billion years now and her friendship is awesome...I don't think there's anyone else out there quite like her!! except maybe me...not the being the best part but a lot of people say we act and talk alike, it's pretty cool sh'e the sister I never had and she's prally the only person I have the most things in common with. We're really the same. "Shut Up And Log OUT!" <--- it's a work thing...*wink*

Last Sat we had a bbq at Ant's place, it was SUPER fun! there was tons of food, we had a bon fire, and stayed out till the sun went down and told scary ghost stories. So juvenile yet so fun. That same night after driving Jacob and Kat home I came home to watch Identitiy. Holy CHEESE AND RICE did I get scared. It ended around 3 am and it was pitch black in my house and the midnight creeks freaked me out so I made my bro sleep in the tv room with me.. I kept imagining that killer character coming after me <--- now I'd like to disclose who the killer is..but that would be horrible, it's a good movie I promise. I'm just a scaredy cat. It's not even a horror movie..more like a thriller. Oh Wells i'm okay now.

So it was my 23rd birthday on Monday and I'm really bad at checking voice mail, I guess b/c I have tons to check at work and I don't wanna check anymore after work, but when I checked it yesterday my inbox was full. half the msgs were Birthday wishes and half were my dad, reminding me of my car appointment that I have today...my dad's funny. So I want to thank those who called, who voiced, and emailed me it really means a lot *muah* my birthday wish is that all ya'll who wished my wishes to come true..I wished your own personal wishes came true too. Oh and April sorry I missed your call...thanx for trying, my dad gave me the message *hug* miss you much!

Anyways I think I gotta end this here, I'll continue my super blog laters I promise...I'll have pics and stuff up hopefully later on today when I get home...gotta do some work now. SUPER BLOG TO BE CONTINUED...

|WED|Sep|03|03|11:45AM|


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Busy Bee

|Playing|Today|Smashing Pumkins|



Okay so I know, I know I've been neglecting my blog... I've actually been really busy lately...w/nothing in particular but just stuff. As you know I work 7-4 so most of my day is spent at work and it's been pretty busy lately. I usually have time to do stuff online but I've been training newbies at my desk so they've sorta taken over my computer. =)

I'm all excitied for this weekend, b/c I get to serve at a campus camp, I get to facilitate so it'll be good and I know after the weekend I'll be super tried and crawl into work Monday morning but it'll be totally worth it.

but it's getting super dooper busy i better get going..blog yah later...hopefully

|THU|Aug|21|03|7:41AM|


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Will I Ever Be More Then Enough?

|Playing|Why Can't I|Liz Phair|

Do you ever get that feeling that you're not enough? Well, that's how I feel right now....right now it seems like no matter what I do, it's never gonna be enough....maybe I'm not trying hard enough...maybe I can do more...

|SAT|Aug|16|03|12:23AM|


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Books Wooks Cooks

Looky looky I got a booky... wait no...I WANT a booky. I'm sitting here at work doing absolutley nothing, it's slow and I'm bored and i look over at my nieghbor and he's reading a book. I love them books, so I go online to see if there are any interesting books out there...and now in the 20 mins of boredom and online window shopping I have a whole list of books and dvds I want to buy. The ability to window shop online is evil. When I came into work today I didn't want anything....and now I have this whole list wants that would burn a big fat hole in my pocket Holy Cheese and Rice!!! I'm going to throw it away. I WANT I don't NEED. I WANT I don't NEED....I WANT I DON'T NEED maybe if I keep saying that over and over, I'll actually throw the list away....kay i'm doing it. It's gone, I put it in the info safe bin here at work....soon it will be on it's way to the mighty shredder. Now if only I could get rid of this urge to browse online for more....the internet can be evil sometimes...

|WED|Aug|14|03|2:05PM|


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Phone Call

|Playing|Still Waiting|Sum 41|

Okay, so I get home and the phone rings and I pick up...keep in mind that I live in the southside of the city.

Me: Hello?
Great Aunt: Honey...I'm okay, the tornados are on it's way north
Me: Oh hi..Tita?.... Okay?
Great Aunt: okay honey, just letting you know
Me: Kay thanks, I'm glad you'll be okay
Great Aunt: Okay Honey, that's all
Me: Kay
Great Aunt: Now if it gets black, and the golf balls is falling you run to the basement right away ok?
Me: umMm eRrrr...
Great Aunt: Start running to the basement honey!!
Me: Kay
Great Aunt: The Basement, you start running down!!
Me: Kay
Great Aunt: takecare honey, I love you
Me: I lo...(hangs up) ..ve you too?

Maybe she was really trying to call dexter since he's in the north and dialed my number instead???

|TUE|Aug|12|03|5:44PM|


------------------------------------------------------------

*yawn*

hMmmm ... it's morning again, and I'm tired. Although I slept early last night...like around 8:30, I still feel tired. I push my snooze button so much I'm suprised it's not broken. I've gone through countless alarm clocks in my day, and this one, even though it's just a simple buzzer with the time and a snooze button, it's probably the best one I've had yet. For some reason, I can't wake up by clock radio. I usually just sleep through the morning shows, and those radio personalities always seem to find there way into my dreams, on the other hand if I'm really tired I'll sleep through my buzzer and dream of smashing it to bits to get it to stop beeping and it still beeps, or else I dream of bombs that need to be detinated, my dreams are messed up I know. I set my clock to go off at 5am, and this morning I didn't get out of bed till almost 6 *sigh* work at 7 has taken it's toll on me. I don't feel normal until around 9

But I made my way to work this morning and surprisingly I left early and got here early. Yesterday was crazy, I had one of those, if someone had told me sooner we could have avoided the situation moments. I'll tell you all about it...

So Ace is staying at my house this week, we work at the same place and get up together and go to work together. So yesterday we actually got up at 5 and left the house at 6:15, work is approx 10mins away, but we didn't manage to get to work until a little after 7. Why? b/c my car wouldn't start when we went to go pick up food at Tims. Why didn't it start you ask? b/c no one told my that the steering wheel sometimes locks when you park. So here we are in the Tims parking lot, stuck in the rain, trying to turn the key for 30mins and it just won't budge. I stared to think that my key was cut wrong or something. Me and Ace even pretended to get out of the car and go back into it thinking maybe we got into the car wrong....see this is what happens to people who sleep at 2am and wake up 5am.

Anyways...Last night I gave Ace a haircut, and I did a pretty damn good job, considering it was a layered hair cut, and the only hair I've cut before is my dad's. So she was happy and I was happy and we went to bed early so now I'm just finally awake and alert. Although I admit I'm really missing Jarv right now, a lot. *sigh*

I should go back to work and chat on msn he he, blog yah later =)

|TUE|Aug|12|03|10:25AM|


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Psalm 27:14

|Playing|Breath|Michael W Smith|

"Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart."

When I don't know what to do, Father, help me wait for my instructions.

It's so easy to know what you want to do and do it, to take things on and control them and have things as you want them when you want them and just be. But who wants to just be? I would rather have nothing and believe, then have everything and not believe. So I'm just going to take a deep breath and exhale... I'm going to wait and listen and even though I don't know what's in store for me, I'm going to surrender all that I want to control, and leave it up to him...one moment at a time, one step at a time...

|Sat|Aug|02|03|11:21PM|


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HOME AGAIN PT 2

|Playing|Summertime|Dove Shack|

Trina Rina's home!! I'm soOoo glad! She just got back from BC today!! Trina's my homegirl my confidant, and not having her around that past week has been really hard but now she's back!!! No more BC Bomb, and no mo' drinkin' for her yay!! she'll just have to settle with me for some entertainment for the rest of the summer ha ha

Ron's back from T.O. Too yay!! looks like the peeps who went away for the summer are slowly coming back home...looks like the summer won't be so lonely afterall!!

Prayers go out to Grace and Maan, they're on thier way to the phils today to attened GAT, hope they have a safe trip and enjoy!

Shouts out to Chris my cousin in Cali...It's too bad that we don't get to see much of eachother, it would be cool to get to know you better and chill once in awhile, anyways thanx for sharin your page w/me I've added it to my links. *muah*^*ten mega juicy kisses por yew*

I'm in the process of adding more links so check back often kay? kays. Gotta go sleep early, I'm hecka sore and hecka tired..goOd night

|Tue|Jul|29|03|9:14PM|


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NOT SO TYPICAL

I happen to like Sprite Ice! ewWwwWw everyone says... Wuteva! they say it tastes like Sprite and toothpaste....common you don't have to be so dramatic about it....it's nice and I like it and whatever anyone says about it, nothing's gonna make me like it less. So na na na boo boo I'm drinking Sprite Ice right now as I type

I also like all my soda uncarbonated...that's why I always buy the bottle and not the can so that I can shake all the carbon away. Carbon makes me sick. If I get a case of cans I open up the cans and let them sit in my fridge for a couple days so that when I'm ready to drink them there's no more carbon. And I like diet coke, and diet coke w/lemon. *MMmmMMmmmm*

|Tue|Jul|29|03|7:48PM|


------------------------------------------------------------
HOME AGAIN

|Playing|Everything|Lifehouse|

I watched Tomb Raider this weekend...and let me say that it was a jam packed action flick....but this weekend in itself was a jam packed weekend all together.

Dexter slept over...well it's not like we slept but yanno he was here keeping me company *thanx dex*

Even tho the weekend is only 2 days long, I learned a lot in those 2 days. A lot about myself, God and others. All week I've been secretly mopeing about the things that have been going on in my life lately...not understanding why things are the way they have turned out. Emotions of frustration and sadness took the best of me, and I didn't understand why things were so hard. I was having a really hard time.

But serious stuff went down on sunday...serious stuff, and even tho it was a really bad thing that happened, a lot of good things came out of it. It some how opened my eyes, and I saw that the things that may seem really huge at the time aren't really that huge. It's sad that it took something serious and dangerous to make that realization, but God works in mysterious ways. And now I see everything falling into place, of course I don't see the entire picture and I still don't understand a lot of what's going one but slowly, I'm learning to trust in God again.

The reason why I was having such a hard time was because I couldn't bring myself to trust in him completely. I mean I was doing all the things I knew I needed to do but at the same time I felt a lot of resentment, because I didn't understand why those things I needed to do had to be done. But after thinking I was losing completely, on Sunday God showed me that there was way more serious stuff I could be losing, and I should be thankful for the things that I still have. *Thank the Lord*

I've learned all this before, but somewhere in the last year I lost that, I've strayed, and right now as it stands, I'm slowly finding my way back home, to God. I'm going through the steps... 1.I've been real with my feelings, and what God's been telling me to do. 2. I've denied myself, by making the decisions I know that are right. and I'm slowly learning to 3. simplify and 4. work.

I can honestly say that I feel things changing around me, and inside me, and for once these changes don't seem so awful, and I'm glad. For once I'm really truly glad.

|Tue|Jul|29|03|1:24AM|


------------------------------------------------------------
FALLING

|Playing|I Miss You|Incubus|

So I was sitting there watching Tomb Raider 3 tonight and during the scene where Lady Croft skydives, a dream that I had last night came back to me. Isn't it weird how you can totally forget a dream, or not even have any recollection of it until something triggers the memory and it all comes back to you, why is it like that? It's like that memory by association thing, where you associate the thing you want to remember w/something that is hard to forget, and when you think about that thing that is hard to forget it triggers the thing you want to remember. Makes sense right? right. but when it's a dream your mind unconsiously does the association for you.

Anyways, back to my dream....it was a dream about him and me and I was at this big bridge and he was at the top of the bridge with this guy, a strange guy, and he was calling me to come up and meet up with them. So there's this huge ladder, and I go up, and with every rung my fear grows and grows...and at the same time I feel really excited b/c he's there. When I get to the top I realize that I have to make a jump. A Bungee jump. Something I've always wanted to do but at that moment I really don't want to do it b/c I spent all my energy climbing up despite my fears to see him, and if I jump I'll be back at the bottom again. I remember being torn. But the strange guy strapped me up anyways and I stood there looking at him and I couldn't jump. But then right before I wake up I remember falling....and while falling I realize that there isn't water under the bridge, just pavement, and right when I'm about to split my head open on the pavement I'm awake.

What does that mean? I think i know what it means...It pretty much coincides with what's going on in my life right now. Strange I say strange.

I'm tired....I'm gonna go chill and then go sleep. I'll tell yah about the movie tomorrow. Goodnight Kiddos

|Sun|Jul|27|03|3:23AM|


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TAKE A PICTURE

|Playing|Take A Picture|Mya|

I'm so feelin this song right now...it's got this laid back beat, and the lyrics are so how i'm feeling right now.

I woke up late today...it was nice to sleep in. When I woke up I felt really refreshed. My creative juices started flowing too..I have a couple images in my head right now that I want to put on canvas. I love feeling like this...and I love that very moment when my paint brush first caresses a plain white canvas, and suddenly there's color.

I think I feel like a canvas right now...Just anticipating for that moment when I'm not plain anymore.

|Sat|Jul|26|03|3:25PM|


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MIDOL

|Playin|Here's To The Night|Eve6|

Midol is my best friend. I've been madd pms-ing the last couple days...and when I say mad...I mean MAD. We're talking sleeping for 12 hours and still feeling tired all day, unbearable cramps that prevent me from walking, and bloating that makes my jeans shrink. *sigh* during these times I really wish I was a boy. Midol is a girl's secret weapon against that ever dreaded time of the month. It relieves cramps, bloating, fatigue & tenderness. Talk about killing several birds with one stone. I pop a couple of these babies and *poof* I'm normal again *Thank God* for Midol.

Oh yeah I got a new purse check it I call it my pana purse... I guess cuz it's so pana looking, but I like it best b/c there's lips inside


|FRI|JUL|25|03|8:20PM|

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I MISS HIM

I Miss you so much it hurts....

|THUR|JUL|24|03|10:08PM|

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BORED AT WORK

I like my work, but for some reason, an hour before I start work each day is a struggle. Just the thought of being somewhere for this many hours doing the same or similar things hour after hour just makes me want to crawl back into bed and hibernate.

I don't know what I want to do in the future as for my career. I mean I know what field I want to be in, but I don't know what exactly I want to do and how to do it. I have a really short attention span when it comes to work. It's not like I come to work and not do any work...like some people I know...it's just this inner voice that screams for some type of something...I dunno.

And this comes from a girl who surfs online, chats, plays games, and colors pictures all day...a girl who gets a free gym facility, a rec room with a pool table, big screen tv, fireplace, foose ball, and table tennis...and real gym gym with a full basketball and volleyball court....a girl who gets free software, a company pocket watch...subsidized cafe grub, occassional beer bashes & bbqs, and friday ice cream cakes. Oh and I can't forget to mention the free beverages like gourmet coffee in over 6 flavors, over 10 flavors of superb herbal tea and 50 cent soda.

*sigh* I dunno, I'm not complaining or anything...I like my work, and I hate when people complain and don't appreciate the perks around here... it's just me I guess. I dunno... I'm bored, and I don't have anything else to blog about.

|THUR|JUL|24|03|5:02PM|


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LONELINESS

Lonliness has crept up on me tonight. I spent the morning cleaning my room, trying to keep myself busy, so that I wouldn't have to feel... I did my laundry, I vaccummed, washed the dishes and cleaned the kitchen. I even did a little packing. Dexter dropped by and kept me company during the afternoon and evening..but now I'm alone...

I laid on my bed awhile in the dark staring at the glow of my candle and I started to feel again. It all came rushing in and my heart overflowed and it just felt like it was going to burst. I miss him.... and I just realized how lonely the nights will be...and how hard it will be to get through the days....I mean there's only so much I can do during the day other then work, and my predicition is, by the end of the week the house will be spotless. What will I keep myself busy with next?

I don't even want to go out. Cuz everywhere I go I'll want to be there with him...and I don't want to answer the phone, because I know it won't be him...and I don't want to do anything, but I got to keep myself doing something or I'll go crazy.

Sometimes it's just so hard not to have any control or certainty. To deny yourself, to surrender the things which are most dear to you and just put your trust in God. I'm having a really hard time right now... because it hurts...and I need to learn how to "live from the core of my being" because I'm stripped

|WED|JUL|23|03|11:14PM|

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CONFESSIONS

Sometimes I think that it would be so much easier for me not to care, cuz over time I’ve learned that not caring is so much easier then caring so much. When you stop caring, you don’t have to worry about how someone makes you feel, you don’t have to worry about someone living up to your expectations, better yet you don’t have to worry if you’re living up to someone else’s expectations. You never have to stress on weather or not your actions are going to affect someone, and someone else’s actions don’t have any bearing on how the rest of your day will be….because you’re in control. Complete control….

I could sit here and put the blame on something or someone, and somehow find a way to try to justify the way I’ve been acting…but the ugly truth is that, I’m the only one to blame for this, because somewhere along the way it was me who decided not to care anymore, nobody forced me to not care, nothing dragged me kicking and screaming… It was me. I had made the simple decision not to care and it’s my fault, I’m the one to blame.

It’s really scary to know that a little decision can up and turn my world upside down, in an instant. How one little decision can change my life. You see, once you make a decision, and decision, every moment that passes by we are forced to make a decision, there’s no avoiding it, and even avoiding a decision is a decision in itself.

It’s horrifying…but at the same time it’s liberating. If something goes up, it has to come down eventually right? If I and I’m done with wanting to control things. I’m done with sheltering myself, from everything, and everyone, I’m done with being scared of getting hurt, and I’m done. I’m just done.

I want to be the me I’m suppose to be. The me I’m called to be. I want to just start all over again, In fact I am starting all over again, and just the thought, the decision to do so has given me a freedom I haven’t felt in a long time, I’m actually happy forreals. Now I just have to put my words into action. And I know that everything in life is easier said then done, but I’ve already made the decision to change and there’s no turning back, only more decisions ahead of me, and now that I care, I know this time around, I’ll make the right ones.

|TUE|JUL|22|03|10:00AM|