One day while I was meditating I saw my heart in my body and the branchy veins leading up to it and the cushion of bones and fat protecting my heart from the outside world. But I wanted to be free of all that. I was in my bedroom on a flat bamboo mat, and the sun was warming the room on one side -- it was warm on one side and cold on the other. I thought to myself, must I always sit alone? Buddha tells us that desire springs from separation. He said from craving springs grief.